(no subject)

It is not enough. I push my fingers into my shoulder to explore and I recognize that I am meat. Dead chicken body. I will not be a cannibal, so I do not eat. There is no reason not to when I am alone, so I bleed. I starve, I bleed, I hurt. This is not enough.

I was too late, I see this now. If I meant to, I would walk until I found a cliff or tall building and then continue to walk. I do not. I punish myself, but anything more is too far. I punish myself in many ways because I waited too long to walk.

If I am unable to be a man, I must be numb. For this, I need money. I must find a way. I will find others to punish me, if necessary.

Я ам жаль, мама.