(no subject)

[surface_level]

Lucas steps into the cottage with careful feet, each boot deliberately placed and soft. He looks nearly as if he is prowling, although his eyes are still curiously blank and impassive as they take in the surroundings. He is not even looking at Leif when he speaks, though he circles him.

"On your knees."

Comments

[surface-level.livejournal.com]

His eyes flick to Leif's hands and he lets the leather loosen immediately, pulling his thumb back.

"You are hurting yourself."

[holdon-together.livejournal.com]

Leif freezes, because that's against the rules after all. It takes him a full minute to realize what, exactly, he's doing, the gesture of clawing and curling his fingers almost instinctive. But he pinpoints it eventually, the dull aching pain that comes from scraped-up and broken-off nails, and he quickly curls his hands into fists.

"S-Sorry."

[surface-level.livejournal.com]

"I will tie you if it is necessary." The words and the structure of the sentence convey a threat while his tone sounds as if he considers it a helpful offer.

[holdon-together.livejournal.com]

He's very quiet for a moment, obviously debating something. Then he nods. "That will help."

[surface-level.livejournal.com]

"It will be arranged. Next time."

Lucas doesn't exactly have access to anything he could use to tie Leif with in this strange place, and there aren't many options for one who no longer has a wand and whom the Room blatantly dislikes. Besides, the blood is oozing down Leif's waist from the open scab at the center of his back. They had come far - Leif had cried for him. It was a first step. He undoes his belt from around Leif's neck and removes his knee, leaning over and sitting beside him on the ground.

[holdon-together.livejournal.com]

Leif shudders a little, curling up on his side, tears still sliding slowly down his cheeks. He doesn't make any attempt to wipe them away, or the blood pooling at the small of his back. He does reach up and massage at his neck, speaking hoarsely.

"...I could not even do this right. I did not obey you."

[surface-level.livejournal.com]

He frowns at Leif and reaches a hand out toward him before pausing and letting it fall. He assumes any attempt to show caring would be rebuffed. It is perhaps ironic, that inflicting pain in an attempt to help leaves him feeling painfully helpless. But Lucas has never felt he fully understood the definition of irony, so he could be incorrect.

"Most do not," he finally says, looking at his hand.. "It is a part of the process. It is expected."

[holdon-together.livejournal.com]

Leif starts to roll onto his back, then hisses under his breath and stops, though he rolls his head back and looks up at Lucas with red-rimmed eyes. He notes the hand and, rather than flinching away from it -- like he'd expected himself to -- he gives it a look that's almost longing.

"I do not feel released. Am I meant to, yet?"

[surface-level.livejournal.com]

When he isn't rebuked, Lucas briefly lifts a brow, then reaches out again. A thin, cold finger crooks and wipes away tears on Leif's cheeks with gentle movements. It is easier for him to focus on that finger than to meet Leif's eyes.

"You were close. It is best at first to take small steps."

[holdon-together.livejournal.com]

He shivers a little, but it appears to be more due to the temperature of Lucas's skin, than out of aversion to the touch.

"I feel worthless. But that is not anything new....perhaps knives would have worked. Perhaps...triggering things might be more effective.

...I am babbling. I'm sorry."

[surface-level.livejournal.com]

"You believe this did nothing for you?"

He slides his hand around the curve of Leif's jaw to catch the tears lingering there, not quite falling.

[holdon-together.livejournal.com]

"...I cried. That is something, I suppose." He shivers again, tilting his head a little, shutting his eyes in something like shame for being this desperate for contact.

[surface-level.livejournal.com]

Assured now that the touch is not unwanted, Lucas ceases to be tentative. He reaches over and takes hold of Leif by the shoulders, gingerly dragging him across the floor until he rests Leif's head on his leg. It isn't the most comfortable surface, but it is a form of contact, and it allows Lucas to leave his hand loosely curled around Leif's shoulder.

"You may continue to do so, if it is a help."

[holdon-together.livejournal.com]

He squirms just a bit at being tugged, trying to scramble by himself, but stopping as his back gives a stab of pain. He lies still for a moment, part of him anticipating the return of the belt or the lighter. But then he curls himself tighter, reaching out in the miniscule room, fingertips just brushing against the wall. There are drawings on it, close to the ground, childish stick figures, trees, birds and dogs and such, scratched into the whitewash.

He gives a shudder, shutting his eyes and letting his hand drop. The tears are more of those same soft, animal-like whines and moans, stifled by Leif's hand over his mouth.

[surface-level.livejournal.com]

His thumb moves on Leif's shoulder as he feels him shake, watching him. He remembers being this. He hurt himself with morphine withdrawals and binges, and cried curled on the street outside the penthouse he'd shared with Alexi, unrecognizable to the people who'd held doors open for him months before.

[holdon-together.livejournal.com]

Leif shudders for only a few minutes, all told, ending up hiding his face in his arms, shoulders hunched tightly, from the force of the embarrassment and shame he feels. Somehow the location, this place, which had been a place for happiness and good memories, makes him feel even more ashamed.

"I'm sorry."

[surface-level.livejournal.com]

"Do not be." His thumb continues to move. It's as close as he usually comes to a friendly cuddle.

[holdon-together.livejournal.com]

He whines a little, softly, fidgeting and reaching up to fray at the edge of the Ace bandage.





"Thank you."

[surface-level.livejournal.com]

Lucas is quiet for a long moment, still touching Leif's shoulder.

"If there is more I am able to do than cause pain, speak."

[holdon-together.livejournal.com]

"...sing that song again. Please. Only for a little, and then you can leave, if you'd like."

[surface-level.livejournal.com]

If it were feasible for Lucas to look bashful, he would now. He looks at the ground.

"... I do not sing in a skilled way. Do you still wish it?"

[holdon-together.livejournal.com]

That gets the faintest sort of smile.

"I did not request for it to be in a skilled way."

[surface-level.livejournal.com]

His face still pointed toward the floor, Lucas clears his throat and closes his eyes. His voice is very deep and it wavers on any sustained note.

"Спи, младенец мой прекрасный,Баюшки-баю. Тихо смотрит месяц ясный, В колыбель твою... Стану сказывать я сказки,Песенку спою; Ты ж дремли, закрывши глазки, Баюшки-баю."

[holdon-together.livejournal.com]

For the first time all day, Leif actually relaxes a little, though he's still trembling a bit, curled up, wiping at a few stray tears. As soon as Lucas finishes, he swallows hard, then sits up, slowly.

"Thank you. Again."

[surface-level.livejournal.com]

Lucas opens his eyes and looks at Leif curiously, his hand falling away when he sits up. In the absence of something to do with his hand, he lifts one of his knees up and wraps his arm around it. As he repeats the song, his eyes remain open but he does resume inspecting the ground beside his boot.